Introduction

Spirituality

Friendships

Strategies

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Strategies for Helping People with Disabilities Develop Friendships

One thing that all people have in common is the desire for love and acceptance. Some people enjoy having many friendships with many different people, and others only like to develop very close friendships with one or two people. Regardless, the bottom line is this: we all need friendships.

Unfortunately, what often happens to people with disabilities is that they can frequently be overlooked by their peers when it comes to making friends. It isn’t infrequent for people with disabilities to be isolated and have very few people in their lives besides family and caregivers. Isolation and rejection can make a person feel lonely and overlooked, even in the midst of a group.

One way in which meaningful connections can be established between a person with disabilities and his or her peers is through a Circle of Friends. This is a small gathering of individuals who develop a relationship with a person who has a disability in an effort to create an encouraging and respectful friendship with him or her. The goal is not to view the person’s disability as a problem that needs to be fixed, but to encourage that person’s hopes and dreams. With a Circle of Friends, the focus remains positive and encouraging. The goal of a Circle of Friends is to make a person feel valued and loved - something we all need.

A Circle is completely informal, typically meeting once a month or so. The location should be comfortable, casual, and convenient. Those who are part of the Circle listen to what the focus person has to say about their dreams and desires in life. From there, the members of the Circle figure out how to go about helping the individual achieve those goals. Although a Circle of Friends is designed to benefit a person with disabilities, it is usually common for everybody involved to feel that their lives have been enriched through the experience. It is a chance not only for the person with disabilities, but everybody to meet new people and make new friends!

Another strategy for helping a person with disabilities develop meaningful friendships is by using the MAPs (Making Action Plans) process. This is a tool that will help students become more connected with the people in their lives, such as peers, co-workers, and members of their faith congregation. Like the Circle of Friends, MAPs begins with a meeting in which information about a particular person is collected. MAPs is a strategic problem solving/planning process that involves the focus person, his or her friends, family members, therapists, etc. Key questions are addressed and answered in order to determine the best course of action for helping the focus person reach his or her goals. For a detailed overview of the MAPs process and for information on the key questions addressed, please refer to the instructional unit titled Person Centered Planning and Life Outcomes.

Another simple strategy that you probably use everyday without even knowing it is modeling. By modeling appropriate social behaviors and acceptable social practices while working with your peer buddy, you are teaching him or her valuable lessons in how to act in socially acceptable ways. You can do this both at school, and outside of school. A wonderful opportunity to model appropriate social behavior is through accompanying your peer buddy to social events, such as football games, basketball games, movies, shopping, out to eat, etc. By seeing how you act in these situations, your friend also learns how to act in those environments.

As a peer tutor, another way in which you can help a student with disabilities make friends is to truly get to know the person with whom you are trying to help develop connections. Some questions to ask yourself are:

Do I really know this person?

Do I know what it is he or she really enjoys doing?

Do I know what makes a great day for him or her?

Do I know what makes him or her have a bad day?

By answering these simple questions, you can better determine how and where you might be able to find like-minded people for your peer buddy to meet and potentially develop friendships.

By becoming more aware of how to help a person with disabilities break down the social and attitudinal barriers that may exist for him or her, you are taking a great stride in helping that person develop meaningful and lasting friendships. And by doing this, you are also promoting disability awareness. Always a good thing!

Introduction

Spirituality

Friendships

Strategies